If he refuses because everyone who goes to Vegas becomes adulterous instantly and HE doesnt want that to happen to HIM then you have a completely different issue from he refuses to let her go at all because He Said So. The educational health content on What To Expect is reviewed by our medical review board and team of experts to be up-to-date and in line with the latest evidence-based medical information and accepted health guidelines, including the medically reviewed What to Expect books by Heidi Murkoff. Shes too fair to be naked out in that desert sun.. You can add it up to four. He can express an opinion at most. July 3 2022. husband doesn t want to go on family vacationwhere is ryan blankenship today. Whats not real is all these horrible things Im imagining happening to her. My colleagues travel all over the world, sometimes to places in great upheaval where they have to have military escorts. But Im not at all confident this is the source of the husbands issues :(. I would say that its not necessarily couples counseling that is needed, but that your spouse needs to talk with someone. And, damn, every time I hear about kidnapping, it seems to be in Ohio or Mississippi, not places considered hotbeds of crime in US pop culture. All of us can comment all we want about how innocuous this trip is, and how much of an overreaction this is, but it doesnt change the facts from where youre sitting. I have a friend who doesnt drink, gamble, or smoke and Vegas is one of her favorite vacation places. You shouldnt be in a position to chose your career (which has very normal career expectations) and your marriage (which seems to have some very not normal expectations). Read: how could he know I was where I said I was? Some of the really big conventions and annual conferences only have a few places to choose from. You definitely need counseling, and he may need his own as well. But I suspect if I went for leisure, Id be bored out of my ever-loving mind. My professional association alternates years between Vegas and Disney for its annual conference because those two places are both great for massive groups of people at a reasonable price. They may not all work for you, but I hope that at least some will be helpful. I went to Vegas for an academic conference once and it was soooo super tame. My husband gets nervous whether Im traveling for business or just about town (granted, Im not the best driver). Either his friends are also super controlling and/or prone to irrational fears or he totally fabricated the story about asking if other people would let their wives go to Las Vegas for work. And I dont know whether I asked permission, exactly, to plan some activities on my own this weekend to decompress from a week of solo child care, but I did run it by her she was of course supportive, but sometimes with this kind of planning there are scheduling issues we have to work out. And my husband was completely fine with it. That doesnt mean one party jeopardizes their job and career to make ridiculous accommodations, of course. I understand everyones points of view completely, just a couple questions and I apologize if theyve already been asked and answered 1) but is it possible that he go too 2) my spouse travels monthly, I hate it. I have some of this kind of anxiety myself and totally understand where your wife is coming from. Sure, its too much if youre super conservative, but then the root of the debate is not Las Vegas itself. Not that I am saying that the Letter Writer should invite her husband. (Anxiety twists everything; try not to fuel the fire.) Good luck! If someone tells my son, I am a thief, or. I understand your point, but I think that it is in the LWs best interest to suggest counseling first since she says her husband is otherwise reasonable and kind. There is SO much more to Vegas than gambling, booze, and illicit sex. You are married to someone who spent three days while you were traveling for work burdening you withgroundless questions about your conduct. They might be mad that they're not invited . I guess it's doable, but I wouldn't do it. how do I get out of an active-shooter drill at my office? It took getting out (and lots of tears, letting some of the love-roots pull out from my heart with time and distance, and lots of therapy) to realize that he really was some of those things and others he wasnt, but it was irrelevant because he was still hurting me. Wow, that is some really scummy manipulation. Yeah, this. husband doesn t want to go on family vacationcomo llegar a los alpes franceses husband doesn t want to go on family vacation. My almost 60 year old mother goes to a medical conference in Las Vegas every year. He does worry about my safety. And when he would occasionally go to conferences for work, she trusted him as well. (In 1989 there was 24-hour keno in practically every restaurant.). I hope you go to Vegas and find love with someone who doesnt treat you like property. I dont know any sex workers and it certainly would not be for me, but Im not going to clutch my pearls and start labeling other people,s choices as unwholesome and I have a big eye roll for people who do. Its been 12 years for me. The difference is it wasnt that he didnt trust ME, or that he was worried about me getting drawn into some sinful situation. One of my favorite Dan Savage letters was about whether they were broken up (his former girlfriends opinion) or not broken up (his preference, because it would mean he had to start dating again and who wants that bother?). The main drag did not feel dangerous to me at all. And then he needs to communicate that to his wife in a way that proves he understands its not his place to restrict her behaviour based on his irrational fears. Its an incredibly effective manipulation technique. Even emphasizing the point, like even they said theyd let their spouses go to Las Vegas. Sure, but then the question would be my boss wants me to go on a business trip but I have a new baby/my spouses parent is seriously ill/my house just flooded and I need to deal with insurance/whatever, how should I ask my boss if I can get out of it. Maybe he needs counseling for anxiety. When the plans were being made hubby was not over excited but was ok with it. Or is it just that hes an anxious person in general? update: is my future manager a bigoted jerk? My Husband Never Wants To Do Anything With Me: 10 Reasons Why Theres some merit to this and the What happens in Vegas thing. i went away for a few days for work, but had some cool stories to come home with. Yup, wholeheartedly agree. He does that three to four times a year. One of the most important things I learned in therapy is that even though my feelings are real, they are not reasonable and not helpful, so its not appropriate to expect others to change their behavior to accommodate them. I did a big expo in Ocean City during the Spring everything was still closed, I spent a good chunk of it setting stuff up, taking stuff down, and generally stuck in a hotel and the only fun I had was going to a few restaurants and walking on the beach for half an hour. So Vegas actually *is* pretty scandalous to a *lot* of people. That option smacks of trying to make OP appease her husband and HIS issues and that is icky. Your husband is being insecure (at best!). You travel with the rest of the managers in your company, and I would assume many of them have spouses (and presumably most are able to handle behaving like a responsible adult). Your friend is a wise woman. I belong to a profession that has an annual convention in Las Vegas. Im talking a hotel on Wall Street, just a block or two from the NYSE, and one literally around the corner from the White House. On a larger scale, I see a couple of concerning things here. Your post will be hidden and deleted by moderators. My husband was recently sent to Vegas for a week on two days notice and my response was pretty much the same. People cheat in the tiniest of towns. And added to that: if the husband doesnt believe its his issue, hes not likely to be willing to do the work of finding a therapist and getting therapy. Go on the trip. His friends live in DC so I'm considering seeing if we could drive there first and spend the night w them (about five hours from where we live). Its like he thinks Vegas exists in some parallel universe with different logic and laws of physical, and that upon landing in Vegas all of his wifes usual behavioral norms and all concern for her life beyond Vegas will simply evaporate. Well, this might seem like an obvious question, but have you told him that you need him to stop talking to you about this? But we should really just be taking OPs word for it that the issue she outlined is the issue there is. Couples counseling may be useful but controlling spouses are sometimes effective manipulators and in those situations couples counseling is a terrible idea. Maybe so, but I know plenty of people who, as JenB says above, have anxiety and dont express it in toxic and gendered ways that were really talking about two problems. He needs to manage his insecurities and not force them all on you and your career. To the letter writer, if your husband walked into a therapists office with Anonymous Posters comment and said, Thats what I want, the therapist would either be able to teach him that skill or refer him to someone who can. Also conferences in Vegas are soul-crushingly awful and boring. Nah, its not legal in Reno either their county did not legalize it. Can everyone please stop armchair diagnosing? travel to Las Vegas by themselves and with groups and for work and for play all the time and it is completely normal. Exactly this. He was already in counselling and they focused on this issue for a while. and I was gutted. after that. And at the end of the day, it doesnt matter because every time, its about something that doesnt really have a right or wrong answer. Husband and I live three hours away from Vegas. Yep, this was one of my thoughts this might be a seriously overactive anxiety problem at work. I love New Orleans! Perhaps this is exhibiting itself in more ways than just this instance, and if so, its especially something youll want to address head on and as a team. Granted, the event I was at was for a Fortune 100 company but in addition to the hotel security, they had private security and company reps everywhere. The other possibility is that hes skewing the hell out of the question somehow to make his stance seem more reasonable, like Would you guys be okay with your spouse taking off to Vegas and drinking and partying all weekend for work? Might need to go back. I really dont recommend this course of action. Please whitelist our site to get all the best deals and offers from our partners. Im so glad I made that choice. OP, we can all surmise the reasons for his behavior as much as we want to, but this sounds like something you and your husband should work out together in counseling (or separately in counseling, if that appeals more to him.) This is bound to make them curious and excited. You can even pick up brochures of holiday packages. Yes some people are probably going to jump all over me but let's be realistic here. I suspect LWs husband doesnt *really* believe she will be kidnapped in Las Vegas. Ha, my team at Exjob traveled all the time (consultants) and they said the only thing good about it was the FF miles and points. Husband Doesn't Want to Come with the Family on Vacation That was one reason I had to STOP watching so much Law N Order / Criminal Minds / CSI / whatever. The update is saying the opposite of what you think it does. Much better is Lundy Bancrofts Why does he do that?. But my wife really worded it in a way to get the Im a crazy jealous husband. Ive been to one (and my husband was only jealous of the food), and while I dont like Vegas myself, I cant deny that the Venetian knows how to run a conference. You cant change his feelings and reactions, you can only control your own. Just like someone might look for a spouse who is athletic or smart or has a certain sense of humor or earning power, it might be important that FutureSpouse has the skills to share a household with the in-laws. Long term I also agree with everyone elses recommendations for anxiety screening and counseling. DH and I took our little girl on a 14-hour car trip when she was 4 weeks old (she's 10 weeks now). And hes trying to sabotage your livelihood with his nonsense? I lived in that neighborhood for five years, and was perfectly safe. Of course, it also relates to what the right wing media say, and its super-hard to tackle. Yeah, Im wondering who would even give this sort of advice. This is a man who is trying to actively sabotage her career. And he needs to understand that his fears are his to manage, no matter where they are coming from. My Husband Wants My Mother- In- Law on The Trip!!! I said this above, but I read this phrase as his friends were objecting to his stance and would even let their spouses go. Adifficult orstressful situation with in-laws can cause undue stress and anxiety, making you feel rejected and undervalued. I am the main provider in our home, and it angers me that it seems he wants to sabotage my job because of his insecurities. My husband has been for business conferences. It means the relationship ran its course and isnt bringing the two of you what you need any more, and thats sad, but its also not unusual. She would step into the hallway during the conference and ask what he wanted, and he would say he wanted to make sure she was where she was supposed to be. Im pretty sure most religious counselors would see the ridiculousness of his position too. For example, my wife likes to go for walks, and sometimes takes a scenic route while enjoying herself outside (She loves hiking and exploring in nature). husband doesn t want to go on family vacation. Illogical or inappropriate behaviors like this are not always a sign of mental illness and mental illness is not an excuse to be controlling or abusive, EVER. You obviously know this, and you know that your husband is being unreasonable, but your framing Do I do this to save my marriage? worries me, because it signals that you are in some sense accustomed to, or willing to seriously consider, accommodating your husbands irrational demands instead of advocating for your own needs. I know Im a good driver, and that I can handle this, but every time you have these little worry fits you make me doubt myself. I agree with the counseling suggestion. (I do apologize that my intention to be helpful wasnt completely clear). A month? Yeah, like MakeThings Im picturing a lot of Mmmmm. Out of curiosity do you know what the statistics in your area for domestic violence? Any evening events they go to are as likely as not to just be parties. My take is that the uptick is in reporting and discussion, not the behavior itself. Id go with the anxiety answer first. I only wanted to get someplace, anyplace, without slot machines. I love her, and I know she warns me about this because she loves me and she wants me to be safe, but Im just really glad to see Im not the only one right now!! Go on the trip and have a drink while youre at it. I hope that isnt what this turns out to be, but whatever it is, its not good. I have a friend now who Ill maybe mention that he is going to a business thing and he will badger me where is he? It doesnt sound as though shes given him any reason to be so insecure. Reading it again, its a bit confusing, but I still think the husbands friends arent agreeing with him. He needs to understand that what happens in their marriage is between them (and their counselors) and not random strangers, acquaintances and friends. If something written is thought to mean the opposite of what it says that is not reading, it is MISreading. I have to comment on this one. They were lost and just wanted to get back to the station, happened to see one guy had a gun and started cryingwhich caused all the guys to worriedly come over, try to calm them down, then send a guy to escort them personally to the train station. For another, unless the husband is a lot more clever than it seems from the letter and follow ups, a good counselor would be useful to the OP, even if it is abuse. ), and Im excited to stay at Mandalay Bay because they have an aquarium. I meet family from California. Ill take bizarrely leading questions for 600, Alex. You dont get PERMISSION, you agree that something is good, or you dont, but this bs about him letting you go on a work trip is just gross. Its hard enough to be a single lady without constantly watching single ladies being attacked!! Many commenters are acting as though the husband made up this poll of people (everyone) to agree with him, which is not what she wrote or what happened. I agree in principle, but I think its easy for certain couples with significant shared responsibilities to fall into the language of permission, and its not always a red flag. I take for granted everyone doesnt live this way. And I really dont want to camp with a bunch of guys drinking beer, poking the fire and talking about cars (or whatever it is they talk about). One of our Bright Side readers sent us an e-mail pouring her heart out about a tricky situation she's going through. If it was possible to take him along I could see that potentially helping if the main issue is wrong information and assumptions. This captures so much of what anxiety sufferers like my wife go through and what spouses like myself have to find a way to work through with their partner. We did a family vacation to Vegas about six years ago (were about a 4-5 hour drive away). Yeah, I read it as they object and they wouldnt let them go.. People have stranger danger drilled into their heads, but woman are far more likely to be hurt/assaulted/murdered by a domestic partner or acquaintance. She didnt ask permission to go on a business trip this week, because I understand that her work travel is non-negotiable. One learns to cope AT&T helps, also. If I had to plan something like this myself, itd be at the top of my list for a lot of very practical reasons. You are not required to live it with someone who makes you miserable and is not willing to work on the problem. Him trying to get her to conform to a cultural norm that shes rejecting isnt necessary toxic, but just because its somebodys culture doesnt mean they get to impose it on others. Her hotel room was amazing, and Im pretty sure it had a little museum in that hotel too. The first time I visited Scotland (as an undergrad) I was on a school trip and we went to Orkney, in the far north. They can also get into trouble in their own hometown. Your husband is being unreasonable. Either he socializes with very retrograde people, or hes snowing you when he tells you that hes enjoying full-throated unquestioning support of his attempt to stifle your career. Yeah, my husband takes business trips to Vegas multiple times a year. I need you to stop doing that. (Im also concerned that hes collecting votes from his friends about whether to allow you to golike, wow, not only does he not trust you to make a decision, hes giving you a whole list of people who he apparently trusts more than you?) Marketing aside, Vegas is just a metropolitan center, and you dont look lose your morals the second you step off the plane. I definitely do know what you mean, and what the OP describes is definitely on the problematic side of asking for permission she listed off reasons the husband has given that she shouldnt go to this particular place, not reasons why it would be logistically difficult for him or any other rational concerns. Youre in a room all day, you still have to get up and WORK the next morning I go to one every year, and my butt is in bed at 10pm. Aw, hell gonna cancel my reservation then! The gambling and drinking are pretty easy to not participate in if you dont want to. Hes my partner, not my parent, not my keeper, and Im still a grown ass adult who gets to decide what I do with my life. And its going to be a problem in your relationship whether you go on the trip or not. Immediate marriage counseling is required and if he wont go, see a counselor yourself. Since frankly the marriage is not healthy do not risk your career, which you need, for him. Im so glad to see this response here. But it could be so many other things as well. If he refuses to go, go alone. It seems infinitely more likely that what they actually said was yeah man, that sucks, I dont know why she wouldve broken up with you as sympathy and he took it that way, but either way, you dont date by committee! We went to the Grand Canyon, went ziplining in the mountains and had a great without ever stepping in a casino. You have to have the autonomy in your relationship to perform the required duties of your job; its not like youre going to shaking it on top of a table at the Cosmopolitan. Honestly, things could happen anywhere, so his questioning that the trip is in Vegas sounds like a cover. She once had a fit that I was going to Target at 8:00 on a Wednesday. With NUNS. He called to tell me he won a bunch of money at Black Jack and was getting free drinks. In most normal partnerships where you have shared responsibilities its not so much asking permission, as its checking in to make sure spouse doesnt need you For anything at that time. Hes worried the worst would happen: I cheat, someone spikes my drink, someone kidnaps me He says he has asked other people about the situation and everyone objects that they would even let their significant other go. husband doesn t want to go on family vacation. She wrote: His main objection is the fact that the trip is located in Las Vegas. If the wife approaches it as a joint issue, that demonstrates goodwill rather than blame, and is more likely to get the husband into the therapists office. It is NOT his choice whether you go! When she would call back, he would accuse her of having left the office to sleep with someone else. I know that you arent the one with the issue, but just letting you know. Not all of the counties decided to legalize it, and as a result there is no legal prostitution in Las Vegas or Reno. fractured ending scene; harold bornstein obituary cause of death; can you play volleyball with a torn acl; gambar teguh sugianto. Sorry, that isnt useful. . Many manage to avoid devil-worshipping sex orgy kidnapping extravaganzas for almost the entire year. Advising someone that most religious counselors would agree with professional norms doesnt help someone in Bible Belt USA or traditionally Catholic Ireland or in rural Saudi Arabia. Thats exactly what Im doing right now too and it will be so much better when I dont have to justify the work trip to my husband and I dont have to pander to his unfounded insecurities. If youre from a community where a spouse needs to sign off on business travel and letting you go is a real thing, I suggest couples counseling to explore that. Yes, they pay for his airfare and, if necessary, the difference in the hotel room rate and they dont spend that much time together, but they spend *some* time together and are at least getting to see each other for some part of the day.). A week? The businesspeople in Las Vegas want to make money. Is this the one about the rationalist who refused to pick up broken glass? And hiking! If all he has to go off of are the stereotypes in movies and advertising then I can definitely see how it would be easy for him to be a combination of jealous and insecure. husband doesn t want to go on family vacation If you dont trust me, and I have not given you reason not to, were done. husband doesn t want to go on family vacationlifetime guest pass policy. He and this whole situation is definitely unstable and unsustainable. Answer (1 of 74): I can explain this with a story, which is below, but basically - you can't change someone else. Jealous? You could be going to New Orleans for Mardi Gras and uh, yes, of course she can go away without me is still the correct answer. Husband is not fair when it comes to my family (his inlaws). To me, wholesome is about the primary purpose of the activity. husband doesn t want to go on family vacation Its possible, though, that he really is controlling. Yes, its off the strip, but my room was GIGANTIC. Counseling perhaps. When I first moved to the city, my mom told me to never, ever go anywhere after dark. Sounds like this husband needs to identify exactly what he is afraid ofI highly doubt that both his wife cheating and her getting kidnapped are equal fears because they stem from different insecurities, but hey, maybe hes insecure about everything. Or the wife, for that matter. She has a job where you travel, and to him that probably sounds like shes achieving well (and she very well is) when *he is not,* comparatively. Also, sometimes its exhausting to argue with an anxiety sufferer and you end up agreeing to get out of the discussion. I say this because I have a hard time believing that someone who had actually been to Vegas would hold these opinions about it honestly its not my favorite place because I find it too crazy and overstimulating, but I have never felt I was in any kind of danger. In my experience, OP, the best thing you can do to convince him counseling is the answer is to focus on YOU when youre talking to him. Marriage counselling is categorically not recommended if there is abuse. Figure you stop as often as baby feeds (which is every 3 hours for us.) I know that many conferences are held there, and wouldnt bat an eye at my fiancee going there without me. I had an ex tell me, just after I left him, that hed checked with his friends and they all agreed with him that I was behaving irrationally and crazily about everything I was upset about and had said was wrong with the relationship. If anything those are probably among the safer places in the country. We have now been married 5 years and this is a thing of the past. Im going to start with a description, because people often ignore this anxiety is a horrible physical and mental state to be in. Not from the letter and not from the follow ups. I know this is way off-topic, but deplane is a horrendous word. Exactly. Entertainment loves to show affairs starting in the office, people lying about business trips when they have a whole nother family, etc. It could be an extreme level of anxiety manifesting as control (I cant measure up/if you go away somewhere glamorous youll realize I suck), especially if hes not otherwise doing anything questionable. Obviously you were in horrific fiery car crash. Think of it this way if you give in on this to avoid conflict, what will be next? It is. Talk with your partner about why hedidnt invite you along onthe trip. For the OP, thats the problem here. Im surprised that you specify *rural* Saudi Arabia given that Saudi Arabia is one of the least egalitarian countries in the world, with virtually no freedom of religion. I thought my mom was the only one like this. And ate a lot of food. Other National Geographic Family Journeys from G Adventures include bucket-list family vacation destinations like Iceland, Japan, South Africa, Peru, Costa Rica, Morocco, and Vietnam. Actually, prostitution is NOT legal in Las Vegas and gambling is legal in a Million places in the United States. We had dinner at night and then literally went to sleep the moment we returned from dinner. Depending on your husband's interests and how often you plan to visit the parks, there may be a pass that suits his needs. This is very aptly put Anonymous Poster. Learning new response skills can only help her overall situation.